I got an interesting email the other day and he was nice enough to let me share his question with all of my lovely readers!
ANONYMOUS: I am 34 married 13 years. We have sex 3-4x a week, I enjoy it, she enjoys it, sometimes its wildly passionate sometimes its run of the mill sex…i imagine that is common, not every night can it be blow your mind sex. I do not think my wife orgasms, and if she does its not often at all. I pay attention to her, oral, finger, you name it. During intercourse she tells me what she likes and I try to give it to her. Personally I think the issue is she herself doesn’t know how to orgasm. She never masturbates (and claims she NEVER has). I want her to first try masturbating herself to orgasm and then when she is ready possibly use a toy (by herself, with me, whatever she wants). Can you get me advice how to do this?
VIBIN’ VIXEN: Well first of all, thank you for your question and that’s a very good one. And second, CONGRATS on having such a healthy sex life! I am very excited to hear that although your wife doesn’t orgasm, she has sex 3-4 times a week — she deserves a pat on the back for that one (or some cunnilingus I’m sure would do). I completely agree with you that masturbation is the key to her reaching an orgasm. There is a small percentage (10%) of women out there who never had an orgasm through sex or masturbation but not to fear, there are a few tricks to try! Ask her if she feels comfortable enough masturbating with your ‘help’. You can hold the vibrator, tickle her clitoris and kiss her neck so that she begins to feel ‘OK’ about touching herself. Let her know how sexy it is and how great she looks doing it so she doesn’t get embarrased.
Now for the tricks…..
One good way to orgasm is to have her tense her body including her kegals. Almost like contractions, go in waves in and out of tensing those muscles. Another great trick is to relax and let your wife know you can be there for hours rotating toys, stimulation and whatever she needs. Just play around in bed, have fun and let her mind stop so the orgasms can take over her body.
And some more tricks that you can do to her….
Don’t forget the clit! Most women need stimulation of the clitoris. This is our part that is most sensitive and must never be ignored 🙂
Women are emotional creatures….we need love, romance, cuddling and a good setting. Sometimes when I can’t orgasm I think about how much I love Cowboy and I’m there.
Ask your wife what she wants! It could be very simple like ‘move your finger to the right a tiny bit’ but if you don’t speak up you’ll never know.
If you come before her, try to gather up some energy to kiss and stimulate her, so that she can try to get the big O too.
Please stay in touch and let me know if any of my suggestions work for your wife.
VV readers — if you have any input for Anonymous please comment below!